I can’t actually remember, but I’m sure I’ve mentioned here in other places about my utter disdain for double standards. They are so antithetical to how I view the world. I try to imagine things in absolutes. In their purest forms. That’s kind of like a sith lord I suppose. Well, minus the evil and light saber battles.
If you’ve seen any other posts here, I’m sure there are some that mention how sexually inexperienced I am. Pretty much completely. I hate to use the metaphor, but I’m still looking for the baseball park. It bothers me. To varying degrees, and for various reasons, at various times. I won’t pretend that it doesn’t. A lot of people like to chime in how mid 20s and older really isn’t that late, but I’m a math guy, and it is. Sure, everyone is different, but like so many things in this world, it’s still a nice bell curve. And 25+ is on the ass end of it. Those are the facts. All the rainbows and puppy farts in the world won’t change the facts.
Before I go any further, I’m
(most likely) a heterosexual an asexual guy, so anything I say really comes from that perspective. I try my best to keep things as general as possible, because I know what it feels like to be left out of discussions on things, and I really do think this stuff applies to everyone.
Being as sexually inexperienced as I am at my age is difficult. Aside from the obvious bit where it just feels like I’m behind, it’s difficult because I have a hard time finding resources that seem like they apply to me. I’m just a regular dude. Not religious. Not “saving myself”. Relatively average looking, nothing special. A bit shy I suppose. Other than my inexperience, I feel pretty average. So it’s hard when so many people in a similar position have conflating factors. They’re religious. They have body issues. They once weighed as much as a small dump truck, but have gotten in better shape. I’m none of those things.
I really think society could do a much better job being more inclusive of people like me. It’s hard enough being in the situation without things like The 40 Year Old Virgin. I mean, I saw it. It was actually reasonably open-minded I suppose. But why are all those movies about guys? Like there’s something wrong with you that needs to be fixed if you’re a guy virgin. It’s funny. It’s a little pathetic. I’m sorry, but I would find it extremely difficult to believe that the genders in a movie like that could be swapped and still be a comedy people would laugh at.
The flip side isn’t much better. Characterizing a woman virgin as “pure” or “innocent” or “fragile” isn’t great either. That’s a mildly positive stereotype at best. It’s the 21st century. There’s a damn good chance she’s none of those things, and that’s totally fine! But would anyone really laugh at her? See her as a pathetic loser? I seriously doubt it. And that’s the problem. She could be just like me, so why the double standard?
I know society in general is pretty shitty about showing a positive attitude about basically anything different from the norm. Being that this is America, where we’d sooner show you “splosions” and plenty of ultra-violence than talk openly and honestly about sexual issues, I know I’m asking a lot here. But with roughly 19-20 million people in the 25-29 age group1 if even just 1% of them are still sexually inexperienced that’s almost 2 million people. That’s about as many people in Rhode Island and New Hampshire combined. That’s a hell of a lot of people to shut out.
In a way, I think most people just don’t understand it. There must be something “wrong” with you. It wasn’t a problem for them. It just happened. And you know, maybe there is. It might not be wrong per se, but maybe you’re shy, or you have a hard time with social situations, or you just never clicked with anyone. Why would anyone think it’s ok to laugh at you or treat you like some delicate flower because of that? To quote the great Mitch Hedberg, “that’d be like getting mad at your friend for having lupus.”
I’m not sure what I’m asking for here. Maybe I’m not asking for anything. In all likelihood I’ll read this later when I’m in one of my depressed moods about it and think, “wow, how did I get all the mud off myself after putting that much lipstick on a pig?”. There’s some truth to that. Too often people try to sugar coat things and “look on the bright side”, but sometimes there isn’t a bright side. Sometimes things just suck, and the sooner you admit that, the sooner you can move on to making them suck less.