_My_ Life

I have to say that I feel more than a bit frustrated when I try to explain my passions, my dreams, my plans and my feelings to people who then dismiss them or try to inject their passions, dreams, plans, feelings. It’s especially hurtful when those same people should be listening to me, encouraging me and believing in me. I would think you’d get it by now. I would think you’d understand that I need to live my life, and not yours. I respect your preferences and likes. I understand we’re from different generations. Why are you so loathe to respect mine? Why do you consistently shoot down my ideas, my feelings, my plans, my preferences because they’re not yours? I’m especially perplexed by this since to date, I’ve followed almost all of the suggestions you’ve given me. Not surprisingly, it’s led to me being very unhappy, because those are your choices for life, and not my own. It’s almost to the point of wanting to do things or make decisions purely out of spite. I don’t want to do that. I only want to do what I feel is best for me. What makes me excited. What feels like my life.

I know you’re panning it as trying to help, or wisdom that you didn’t receive when you were my age. I’m sorry things were like that for you, but I’m not you. I need to make my own decisions, live my own life, and make my own mistakes. I can’t stress enough how important (and dire) this situation is for me.

I really am at the end of my rope, and if I don’t make decisions to change things, I hesitate to think of what will result. I’m already horrified when I look at my place in life presently. I wish you could just be happy for me and happy about the decisions I make. I’m not an idiot, and you’d think by now that I’d proven that one hundred times over. It’s upsetting that you would suggest things that contradict earlier advice you’ve given me.

When I call and tell you about something I’m excited about, you can offer your suggestions and thoughts, but don’t phrase it as whether or not your approving of something. Trust me that I know what I’m talking about, and that I’ve put thought into things. Why don’t you trust me? It’s to the point where I don’t even want to share anything anymore because I’d rather no one know or care what I’m doing than to have to fend off unwarranted criticisms. If you’re unhappy with your life, or where you are…deal with that yourself. Stop trying to live vicariously through me.

And for fuck’s sake, everything isn’t about money. Everything isn’t about making a buck, or investing for the future, or planning an early retirement. Sometimes you can do stuff just because it’s fun. Just because you’re young and tired of the world. I hate to put it in such stark terms, but you need to understand that if I don’t change things, and get on with my life, there isn’t going to be a future to invest for. And that means exactly what you think it means. I already brush far closer to that than I’m comfortable with now, and it only gets closer the longer I don’t do anything about it. I don’t want that to be how things go, and I know you don’t want that to be how things go.

So please, please let me live my life. Please choose to be supportive of my decisions and feelings. I don’t want to have to cut you out of my life more than I already have.