Not an MR2

Here’s the surprise! It’s not a mister 2, but it is small, fast, classic and unique! It’s a 1991 Mercury Capri XR2.

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It’s a 5 speed manual with up to 10 psi of factory turbo boost. In a car that weighs barely 2300lbs, it’s more than enough. You definitely feel it. The XR2 came with popup headlights (standard on all models) plus fog lights. One of which you’ll notice is missing. The bulb is blown so I pulled it to put a new one in. Just look at all this classic early 1990s technology!

 

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Headlights absolutely work. I’m leaving them locked in the upright position until I start to drive it more often then it’s likely they’ll simply remain down. It’s a summer car, and I’m not out in the dark that often during summer.

Leather seats inside are in pretty good shape, but I’ll likely be putting seat covers on them to keep the leather from baking in the sun when the top is down.

Love the spoiler on the XR2 model!

IMG_0273 IMG_0272 IMG_0271 IMG_0270I have a feeling that the spoiler on this one is not original, or at least was taken off and put back on at some point in the car’s life. It’s missing the “XR2” emblem, and the bolts underneath look like they were repositioned. A lot of people seem to like to take their 1991-1993 XR2s and modify them to make them look like 1994s. I’m not sure why. They say the tail lights on the 94s look better, but I disagree. People also seem to prefer the 1994 spoiler as well, but again, I disagree. I should easily be able to find a replacement “XR2” emblem on eBay or something. I’m also thinking about finding some kind of quirky Australian-themed magnets or emblems to signify the Capri’s heritage there.

It’s hard to believe that my plan from months ago is actually coming together. I still have a lot of work to do on the car. It’s in unbelievable shape (from California) but it needs an oil change, state inspection sticker, new fog light, driver’s side window fix and some TLC on the body to really help it shine. As you can see from the reflections in the photos, the body and clear coat are in unbelievable shape! I think a nice coat of Meguiar’s premium wax will be more than enough, and maybe a clay bar on the very worst spots.

Then of course there are all the other phases of my plans. It’s so weird feeling like I’m on a path that’s right for me. Still thinking I’ll drive it to Provincetown this summer. Something different, you know? I have a very important appointment coming up on May 14th that I almost can’t believe I set up. I was nervous at first, but now I’m very excited! Everything is swirling in a vortex that’s culminating on the single point of me getting better. Me getting on with my life. Me smiling and being excited about being me rather than disconnecting further and further.

This car is the perfect symbol for me right now. It’s cute. (OMG so cute!) It’s primary market in its short production run was single women in their mid to late 20s. (I definitely giggled when I read that.) They hoped to sell to a male audience as well with the XR2s, but ultimately, that audience was lost to competition like the recently released rear wheel drive Mazda Miata. It’s my gateway to the world. Just enough storage space for important things, but no more. I almost can’t believe how far I’ve come in such a short time towards the future I described in my recent post, “Hadley“. It’s surreal.

Surprise

I’ve got a surprise coming. It’s been a really busy and tiring week, and I’ve been just trying to sleep enough to function, but I’ll be getting something up here very soon.

Plans are coming together. I’m not sure how I feel. I’ve been down for so, so long that coming up almost feels scary. I’m not sure what to do. I’m not sure it’ll last. I’m not sure I did the right thing. I’m not sure about anything.

Anyway, there is something worthwhile that’ll hopefully be showing up tomorrow.

Spring

Spring has always been a tough time of year for me. In college there were typically only 6-8 weeks of real good spring weather before the semester was over. Still, it was enough to trigger all sorts of bad feelings and frustrations. A lot of that has continued to carry on with me even though it’s been five years.

In many ways, winter is a relief for me. It’s dark. It’s cold. I can cover myself with clothes. Going out to the grocery store after work or to pick up some food…all covered by darkness. No one has to see me. I feel safer. People also aren’t out and about mingling around. They’re going to places from places.

That all changes with the coming of spring. It’s warmer. It’s lighter. People are out and about. They’re out for longer. They’re laughing, mingling around town, running, bike riding, laying on the lawn, and aren’t bundled up with clothes. The light makes me visible though, and the heat means I can’t cover myself up with clothes anymore. I’m exposed. I’m unsafe.

It’s a sad and difficult time for me because I see everyone out and about. I see them comfortable and even excited about not needing to bundle up. They’re smiling, laughing with friends, doing all sorts of things. Things I can’t do. I don’t have any friends, and now that it’s lighter, I’m just more visible. I don’t want people to see me. I see all these things and am reminded that there’s nothing I can do to make those things happen for me. Either they will or they won’t. So far they haven’t.

College was the worst for this. Of course it was nice that the trees had leaves again, and the wind didn’t blow cold air in your face. You could sit outside again on the quad, play frisbee with friends, or just lie in the sun on chairs in the courtyard. I couldn’t do those things though. I didn’t have any friends who could play frisbee with me. Lie in the sun or under a tree exposed like that? You must be joking.

Those same feelings remain for me today. The only saving grace is that I’m often driving through town so I’m at least safe in my car. I can roll the windows down to enjoy the warmer air, and I won’t have to be stopped anywhere for long. If I see people laughing with friends, enjoying less bundled clothes and the warmth of the season, I can just turn up the music in my car and try to forget that that life isn’t for me. What life is for me? That’s all I want. I just want to know that I’m living some kind of equivalent life that’s right for me.